


How I Met Your Sherlock

by Cherikella



Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Complicated - Freeform, Dating, HIMYM AU, M/M, Messy, On and off, Sitcom, confirmed bachelor John Watson? - Freeform, insane, not dating, sherlock himym-style
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4469522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherikella/pseuds/Cherikella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a parody of Sherlock and How I Met Your Mother. The text in Italics will be John's narrative - to his kids ;)<br/>You don't have to know HIMYM to understand the story here but basically:<br/>All the Sherlock characters ((including Moriarty)) are friends who hang out together, 221B is actually their hangout spot and they discuss the stuff that happen in their lives HIMYM-style. </p><p>For those who know HIMYM:<br/>John Watson will be Ted<br/>Sherlock - Robin<br/>Jim Moriarty - Barney!<br/>Mycroft - Lily<br/>Greg - Marshall<br/>Mary Morstan ((when she shows up)) - the Mother</p><p>I hope this works out okay and I hope you enjoy it :) Have fun!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Episode 1 - 221B

_Kids, I'm going to tell you the story of how I met your mother. But in order for this to make sense I have to first tell you the story of how I met Sherlock. Yes, it is going to take long. No, you cannot hide and not listen to it. Brace yourselves! The game is on..._

  
  
***  
   
_Kids, at the summer of_ _2010_ _your uncle Greg, uncle Mycroft, uncle Jim and I were hanging out at a bar, for some reason called 221B. No one really knew why that was its name and I guess it remains a mystery. Could be some remote reference to something but I can't tell you what for the life of me._  
   
_However, today was a very important day for your uncle Greg and he asked me to leave him and uncle Mycroft alone in the apartment. You see, at that time we both were sharing a nice flat above the bar on Baker street._  
   
"Marry me!"  _Greg got down on one knee in front of me_  
   
"Nope! With more feeling!"  _I said_  
   
"Marry me? Will you marry me? Please, marry me! I  
want you to marry me!"  _Greg was practicing_  
   
"Getting there!"  _I smiled_ "Mycroft must be insane to refuse you!"   
   
_Greg smiled_ "I hope he doesn't refuse... I love him so much!"  
   
"I guess I need to find a new apartment now that you two are engaged!"  _I sighed._  
   
"Hey, you'll meet a nice girl, too, John. You'll get married, have children..."  _he tapped me on the shoulder._  
   
"Where is she? I'm almost 25 now and I still haven't met her! I'm ready!"  _I admit it, I whined._  
   
"Awww, not my division to make it happen, John! But I support you all the way!"  _Greg said_ "Now please get out of the apartment so I propose to Mycroft! He'll be here soon!"  
   
_And so I found myself alone again. And that is when your uncle Jim called._  
   
"John!"  _he drawled_ "Forget every stupid boring nonsense you're doing right now and suit up! We're going out tonight! We're gonna have killer fun!"   
   
"You know I don't like it when you say killer fun..."  
  
"And quit whining! Tonight's gonna be legendary! I have great plans! You remember when I wanted to rob Tiffany's? Well, Tiffany's is so last week! Now we go big! Think Crown Jewels big! Yes! That's right! We're gonna steal the Crown Jewels! Wasssuuuuup!"  
   
_Kids, you remember your uncle Jim. He always had these strange ideas. He was always bored so he constantly tried to entertain himself by coming up with all kinds of weird and frankly disturbing ideas. Like the time he proposed we wrap dynamite around an old lady and blow it up, or the time he said it'd be fun to start a fire and throw a fireman inside and watch his heart burn... I really don't know why I hang out with your uncle Jim... He does have some pretty psychopathic plans! But he never fulfilled any of them, at least I don't know if he had... and at that age having someone energetic and exciting like your uncle Jim was really fun so I guess we just ignored his little quirks and tolerated him._  
   
_So that special night while Greg was proposing to Mycroft I went out with your uncle Jim Moriarty. Note: we did not steal the crown jewels! They disappeared a week later but Jim swears it wasn't him..._  
   
_***_  
"Oh, my God! I cannot believe you guys are getting married! Finally!"  _I exclaimed._  
  
_We were all hanging out at 221b. Mrs. Hudson, the waitress, brought us all... tea... ((okay, it wasn't tea! It was beer but don't drink, kids!)) so we thanked her for the-- um-- tea-- and she also congratulated your uncle Greg and uncle Mycroft._  
  
“We don’t want you to think you have to move out instantly, John.”  _Mycroft said with a polite smile – he really had a strange smile, like… it was cute but he could also cut you with it._ “You can share with us until you find something suitable”  
  
“Thanks.”  _I said_  
  
“But seriously, better hurry up!”  _Greg added_ “We’re kinda…”  
  
“Don’t even say it!”  _Jim interfered_ “You two were boring before, I can only imagine you being boring together! Ugh! Double the boredom! I don’t think my man John can stay in one flat with the two of you for that long!”  
  
“It’s not that bad—“  
  
“You need to get out of there at once, John! Like really! At once! Save yourself!”  
  
“I will move out, okay!?”  _I snapped_  
  
_Mrs. Hudson was bringing us some fried potatoes at that moment and she just had to get involved in the conversation._  
  
“Are you looking for an apartment, John?”  _she asked_  
  
“Yeah, I guess.”  _I shrugged_  
  
“Why didn’t you say so! I know the perfect thing. It’s in the same building as this bar and it’s really nice for a confirmed bachelor like yourself…”  
  
“I’m not confirmed…”  _I mumbled. Seriously, why was everybody saying that!?_  
  
_She just ignored my remark, typical._  
  
“Would you be interested in taking a look?”  
  
_I did take a look._  
  
_It was smaller than the previous apartment but it was clean, it was close to the bar I hanged out in, it was close to my best friends in the whole world so it had perfect location. And what was that thing they say about location? Location, location, location… yeah, that’s a stupid saying, but it made sense._  
  
“Well?”  _my friends asked when I got back 15 minutes later after seeing the apartment upstairs._  
  
“I like it”  _I admitted_ “It’s clean, has two bedrooms and a kitchen and a spacious living room, good bathroom…”  
  
“Sounds good for planning crimes!”  _Jim said for some reason._  
  
“But I can’t take it.”  _I shrugged_  
  
“What? Why not? It sounds perfect and you like it.”  _They all started talking over one another._  
  
“The rent is too high.”  _I explained_ “I’ll need a roommate to rent that place.”  
  
“I accept”  _Jim drawled, putting his glass down slowly and taking an apple out of his pocket._  
  
“I didn’t ask you to—“  
  
“You didn’t have to. I know you wanted to. I accept. I’ll be your roommate, I’ll change you, I’ll make you cool. You need it.” _He said, carving something into the apple with his pocket knife. Uncle Jim freaked me out at times. At other times he just annoyed me._ “And that flat has such good location. What do they say about location?”  
  
“Location, location, location”  _we all said in unison_  
  
“No, it wasn’t that!”  _Jim shook his head and we rolled our eyes._ “The point is, it’s close to the bar and I could plan stuff from there…”  
  
“What stuff?”  
  
“Crimes?”  _he said with an innocent smile_  
  
_We all made fun of him for it for about 15 minutes before Mycroft suddenly remembered:_  
  
“You know… my brother’s looking for a place to rent. He’s moving to town and mentioned looking for a roommate. Maybe you could share with him.”  _Mycroft suggested._  
  
_Kids, here’s what we knew about your uncle Mycroft’s brother…_  
  
“My brother lives in London now. My brother hates astronomy! My brother can play that piece on his violin! My brother can make you cry like a baby! My brother acts like a baby! My brother annoys everyone in London; if he goes on like that he may have to move to a different city, ha-ha!”  
  
_This was information accumulated over the years we knew each other. Promising, right?_  
  
“Great! When can we meet him?”  _I asked with a soft smile_


	2. Episode 2 - The Name Is Sherlock Holmes

_Kids, the first time I saw Sherlock Holmes I was wet, he was mad and your uncle Mycroft cried._  
 _  
Here’s what happened…_  
  
“Okay, I’m ready!”  _I announced cheerfully_  
  
“We can’t do this! We can’t let you move in with that stranger!”  _Jim cried a bit too dramatic to make any of us feel comfortable._ “He could be dangerous. He could be a psychopath!”  
 _  
Coming from Jim Moriarty that sounded really weird._  
  
“Dude!”  _Greg exclaimed, eyeing Mycroft who was sitting right next to him._  
  
“He’s my brother, Jim.”  _Mycroft said_ “Are you saying my brother is a psychopath?”  
  
 “Hey, guys, it’s okay. I’m just going to meet him and I’m sure he’s not a psychopath.”  _I intervened._  
  
“But think about how much better you and I would be…”   _Jim pouted_  
  
“No.”  _I said firmly_  
  
“Bur why---“  
  
“Because sharing a flat with you freaks me out!”  _I said_ “I’ve lived with you for one weekend when your home was being painted and it was enough! I want a flat mate who is not insane, who doesn’t have a whole room for his suits – so what if it’s bl%dy Westwood!? - who doesn’t dress up in weird costumes all the time, doesn’t start playing music in the middle of the night and doesn’t go crazy talking about crimes and murders all the time!”  
  
“Okay…”  
 _  
Come to think of it, the ‘okay’ your Uncle Mycroft uttered at that moment did sound kinda weird… It should have tipped me off… but it didn’t!_  
 _  
***_  
 _  
Sherlock and I were supposed to meet at the bar – 221b as you recall. But it did not go that way. No. In the last moment Mycroft got a text from his brother asking if he could meet me in a restaurant downtown instead. I wanted to seem like a nice guy and it was one of my best friend’s brother so naturally I said yes._  
 _  
And that, kids, is how I first went out on a date with your uncle Sherlock._  
 _  
The restaurant turned out to be a pretty romantic spot, only couples and a long history of marriage proposals and anniversary celebrations. The moment I got inside I felt uncomfortable._  
 _  
I asked for Sherlock Holmes because he had arranged everything and apparently I was his date. Only, I wasn’t! I’m not his date. As you know, kids, I’m not gay! No matter what they say…. You may hear lots of things but remember this… your father is not gay! Not that there’s something wrong with being gay, it’s just not who I am…. Because I am not… gay. And here’s why I’m—_  
 ** _  
“Get on with it, dad!”_**  
 _  
Sorry…. Okay, so where was I?_  
 **** _  
“How you were not gay and that you went out with a dude.”_  
 _  
I did not go out with him, weren’t you listening… Whatever. So Sherlock sits on this table with candles and some fancy French wine… and to my huge surprise he was an old man._  
 _  
No, not a middle aged man, not a man that just looks kinda older than he really is. An actual old man! The guy was 70 at least! Rocking his golden years Ian McKellen style! His hands were trembling, his face was more wrinkled than Einstein’s brain, and he could not hear me when I said ‘hello, are you Sherlock Holmes’._  
 _  
I had to repeat the question because he seemed preoccupied with folding the napkins in what he apparently thought was the correct way._  
  
“Hello?”  _I said louder_ “Are you Sherlock Holmes?”  
  
“Oh! Yes! Yes, my boy. I am indeed.”  _He replied with a smile of amusement_  
  
“Are you sure?”  _I had to ask._  
 _  
You see, Mycroft has always said that Sherlock was the younger brother. So this here must be some kind of joke! Either I’ve gotten the wrong person, or Jim was right and Sherlock Holmes was indeed a psychopath._  
  
“Yes, of course.”  _he replied_  
  
“Are you really, really, absolutely sure I’m supposed to meet you?”  _I asked, sitting down on the chair opposite him._  
  
“Yes, positive. Why?”  _he asked, the sweetest smile on his old wrinkly face._  
  
“Because, no offense, but you’re much older than what I expected…”  _I said, trying to be as delicate as possible._  
  
“You have something against old people?”  _he asked_  
  
“No! No, old people are great! Hooray for old people! But… are you really Sherlock Holmes?”  
  
“My dear boy, I am as much Sherlock Holmes as a caterpillar is a butterfly.”  _He said and I could sense that he was trying to look patient but that was an act._ “The point is, I am indeed Sherlock Holmes. Also I did order for you as well. You were obviously going to be late so...”  
  
“I was going to come in time but there was this traffic light on—“  
  
“I know! I anticipated it.”  _He interrupted_ “That is why I preordered. Now, by what I heard from Mycroft about you I think you’d like what you get in the end.”  _He winked with a chuckle._  
 _  
Why was he doing that? This was creepy. I should never have come!_    
  
“Shoot”  _he said, staring at me_  
  
“Pardon?”  
  
“We are, after all, considering living together…”  _he said as the waiter was bringing us the food and giving us odd looks and suppressed giggles_  
  
“That is not what he meant…”  _I started mumbling some explanations to the waiter with an awkward smile and he only shrugged_  
  
“I know what I mean”  _Sherlock said_ “And I expect you to have many questions for me. So shoot. Give me your questions.”  
  
“Oh! Right.”  _I huffed_ “Tell me about yourself? What do you do for a living? Do you have pets, some weird habits I should know, any allergies…”  
  
“For an observant eye, I have already told you everything about myself just by my appearance and behavior in general; of course I do not expect you to pick those up but I just felt I should say it.”  _He spoke quickly, glancing at a table somewhere behind me every now and then as if he was secretly watching someone. He never stopped talking though._ “I don’t have pets, I play the violin… sometimes I can’t sleep  and play in the middle of the night. Would that be a problem? I have no allergies I’m as strong as an ox. I am what most people consider ‘a pain in the ass’, is that the expression? Yes, so there’s that… and of course— DUCK!”  
 _  
He suddenly shouted and jumped up on his feet, motioning to me to duck which of course I didn’t. As I was staring with my jaw probably dropped down to my lap, I saw him swiftly knocking down a guy that was walking by our table and throwing a bottle of mineral water in the direction of the table behind me at someone who was just getting up. The bottle was open so most of the water ended up on me while the mostly empty bottle itself hit the man behind me. And that, kids, was why the first time I saw Sherlock I was all wet._  
  
“And that’s how you get the two criminals, Anderson!”  _Sherlock announced proudly_  
 _  
The man he called Anderson came from another table behind us and shook his head._ “That is pure luck! You are SheerLuck, Holmes!”  _he said, causing ‘SheerLuck’ to grin and remove his skin. Yes. It was all a costume._  
 _  
Several other men and women came to take away the two people Sherlock had taken down, congratulating him as he nodded back at them. I was still blinking in total confusion. What had just happened!?_  
 _  
Sherlock finished removing most of the fake skin on his face and hands and I could see a young man, with particularly sharp cheekbones, and fair complexion, looking back at me._  
  
“I told you I was Sherlock Holmes”  _he said._  
 _  
I stared a bit more._  
  
“I do apologize for all that.”  _He said_ “It just came up and I had no way of not acting upon it at once.”  
  
“Are you the police?”  _I finally managed to ask_  
 _  
He laughed._ “No”  
  
“CIA? FBI? British Secret Service?”  _I listed_ “Scotland Yard! That must be it! You’re Scotland Yard! Or James Bond!”  
 _  
He seemed very amused at my reactions._  
  
“No, nothing like that.”  _He finally said_  
 _  
I blinked_ “I don’t understand. What was all that then?”  
  
“This is my club –‘The Science of Deduction’. Every month we prepare a mystery and we have to solve it”  
 _  
What the hell? I blinked some more._  
  
“There’s a prize for whoever solves it faster… you move up higher in the detective degree…” _he was still talking_ “You seriously never heard of ‘The Science of Deduction’? There’s a blog!”  
 _  
What the hell!?_  
  
“Are you a pretend detective from a roleplaying club?”  _I asked even more confused now. This man was mad._  
  
“You could put it that way… but I won first prize every tournament for the last 5 years!”  _And proud of it, by the looks of it._ “I am already a Miss Marple”  
  
“A what?”  
  
“A Miss Marple. It’s Agatha Christie’s famous character that solves crimes? We name the detective degrees after famous detectives. A Miss Marple is one of the highest and I'm a Miss Marple.”  
  
“Woah. That is cool.”  _I said not bothering to hide my sarcasm._  
  
“So… do we live together?”  _he asked_  
 _  
The guy was insane, he dressed up in weird costumes, he was playing music in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep and he was a roleplaying detective who by the looks of it goes crazy talking about crimes and murders all the time…_  
  
“Sure.”  _I nodded casually_ “Wanna go see the apartment?”  
  
***  
 __  
Oh, wait! I forgot to tell you about your uncle Mycroft and why he was crying! … No, actually that story deserves more attention. I’ll tell you next time.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was Episode 1 of How I Met Your Sherlock. Let's see how this goes and hopefully you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> We're gonna meet Sherlock in the next episode, woo!


End file.
